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PRANKS. OIL. PROTEST. JOKES BETWEEN NEWLYWEDS. AND ONE HILARIOUS SIEGE OF A MAJOR CORPORATION.
Remmy grows up with Beth in Bellhammer, Illinois as oil and coal companies rob the land of everything that made it paradise. Under his Grandad, he learns how to properly prank his neighbors, friends, and foes. Beth tries to fix Remmy by taking him to church. Under his Daddy, Remmy starts the Bell Hammer Construction Company, which depends on contracts from Texarco Oil. And Beth argues with him about how to build a better business. Together, Remmy and Beth start to build a great neighborhood of "merry men" carpenters: a paradise of s’mores, porch furniture, newborn babies, and summer trips to Branson where their boys pop the tops of off the neighborhood’s two hundred soda bottles. Their witty banter builds a kind of castle among a growing nostalgia.
Then one of Jim Johnstone’s faulty Texarco oil derricks falls down on their house and poisons their neighborhood's well.
Poisoned wells escalate to torched dog houses. Torched dog houses escalate to stolen carpentry tools and cancelled contracts. Cancelled contracts escalate to eminent domain. Sick of the attacks from Texaco Oil on his neighborhood, Remmy assembles his merry men:
"We need the world's greatest prank. One grand glorious jest that'll bloody the nose of that tyrant. Besides, pranks and jokes don't got no consequences, right?"
:: PRAISE FOR LANCELOT SCHAUBERT AND BELL HAMMERS ::
"Schaubert recounts a mischievous man's eight decades in Illinois's Little Egypt region in his picaresque debut. Remmy's life of constant schemes and pranks and a lifelong feud with classmate Jim Johnstone and the local oil drilling company proves consequential. This is a hoot."
— Publisher's Weekly
“BELL HAMMERS is written in a style not unworthy of John Kennedy Toole and William Faulkner – the vivid characterization of Southern ethnography commingled with stark, episodic spectacle breathes with the spirit of quintessential Americana. It is a text I would happily assign in an American Novel class and would expect it to yield satisfying discourse alongside works in the canon, whether beside the sardonic prose of Mark Twain or the energetically painful narratives of Toni Morrison.”
— Dr. Anthony Cirilla
“Schaubert’s words have an immediacy, a potency, an intimacy that grab the reader by the collar and say, ‘Listen, this is important!’ Probing the bones and gristle of humanity, Lancelot’s subjects challenge, but also offer insights into redemption if only we will stop and pay attention.”
— Erika Robuck, national bestselling author of Hemingway’s Girl
“Myth, regret, the lore of our heritage and the subtle displays of our castes — no one so accurately and imaginatively captures the joys and sorrows of life in the Midwest as Schaubert does here. BELL HAMMERS is a Tree Grows in Brooklyn as told by Gabriel Garcia Marquez if Marquez lived in rural Illinois and only told stories to his grandkids. Seriously a delight to read.”
— Colby Williams, author of the Axiom Gold Medal winning book Small Town, Big Money
“Loved BELL HAMMERS because Lancelot wrote about people who don’t get written about enough and he did it with humor, compassion, and heart.”
— Brian Slatterly, author of Lost Everything and editor of The New Haven Review
“I’m such a fan of Lancelot Schaubert’s work. His unique view and his life-wisdom enriches all he does. We’re lucky to count him among our contributors.”
— Therese Walsh, author of The Moon Sisters and Editorial Director of Writer Unboxed
Billionaire Preston Clarke conquered my bed and stole my heart.
If only he hadn't broken it and walked into the office a year later… as my new boss.
I know, I know. It's my fault for falling for a filthy rich and obscenely handsome Manhattan type.
Silly of me to think Preston had something more beneath his immaculate suit than just a chiseled body.
But what a body. I still wake up sweating from dreams about the night we shared.
I thought knowing I'll never experience one again was torture enough. I was wrong.
Because working with him every single day is definitely worse.
I hate that he thinks he can order me around or that he still thinks I belong to him.
And I really hate that he stays late in the office when I try to bury myself in work to stop thinking about him.
Most of all though, I hate seeing glimpses of the man I once believed he was.
Hints of true passion and charm beneath Mr. Billionaire's stone-cold demeanor.
But it doesn't matter how many evenings we spend together in the office.
There is absolutely no way I'm falling for him again.
No cheating, no cliffhangers. HEA guaranteed!
A heartbroken American writer. A shy English lord. Can they plot a new destiny in each other’s arms?
Merle Walker is still stinging from betrayal. After her treacherous boyfriend steals the credit for her award-winning screenplay, she flees LA to her friend’s remote English cottage to lick her wounds. But when her BFF’s brother turns out to be a devilishly handsome and polite English noble, she can’t ignore the instant attraction.
Lord Robert Chissholm worries his ex-wife is right: he’s as dull as dry toast. He’s sure he has no chance with a gorgeous and glamorous Hollywood screenwriter. But along with her charm, he’s quite taken by her latest work delving into one of Britain’s finest wartime moments.
Though she lands a deal for her new project, Merle fears she’s too common for her old-fashioned gentleman. And pressure mounts for Lord Robert to return to Parliament—and abandon his sweet American beauty in favor of a politically savvy reunion with his cruel ex-wife.
Is this the final scene for their love, or will they pen their own happily-ever-after?
The Courtship of Merle Walker is a delightful standalone contemporary romance. If you like picturesque English countryside’s, shy British noblemen, and hearts determined to heal, you’ll adore Annette Drake’s transatlantic tale.
The first novel in the Poseidon's Children series from the acclaimed author of the Revelation Space series.
One hundred and fifty years from now, Africa has become the world’s dominant technological and economic power. Crime, war, disease and poverty have been practically eliminated. The Moon and Mars are settled, and colonies stretch all the way out to the edge of the solar system. And Ocular, the largest scientific instrument in history, is about to make an epochal discovery...
Geoffrey Akinya wants only one thing: to be left in peace, so that he can continue his long-running studies into the elephants of the Amboseli basin. But Geoffrey’s family, which controls the vast Akinya business empire, has other plans for him. After the death of his grandmother Eunice—the erstwhile space explorer and entrepreneur—something awkward has come to light on the Moon, so Geoffrey is dispatched there to ensure the family name remains untarnished.
But the secrets Eunice died with are about to be revealed—secrets that could change everything...or tear this near utopia apart.
With great power comes greater mayhem…
Alison is a teen Drow with a past that’s been erased by the murder of her mother and the betrayal of her father.
Well, someone’s going to have to train the girl to use her powers wisely.
Good thing there’s a boarding school created to do just that.
High school is hard. Facing mountains of homework, that cute wizard, mean girl cliques, and mastering magic alone is nearly unbearable.
Enter her new best friend, Izzy. Izzy has a past that could get someone killed.
Too bad she can’t remember a thing.
She's a teenager with no idea who she is or what the power is growing inside her.
Becoming fast friends is a no brainer. Better to tackle the trials and tests awaiting them together.
Especially when they involve dark magic, malevolent forces, and a lost dragon egg.
Welcome to the School of Necessary Magic. Not since Hogwarts has learning been this magical…or dangerous.
For the first time ever, you can get the entire Alison Brownstone School of Necessary Magic in one giant boxed set! All 8 books are included for one low price.
Dark is Her Nature
Bright is Her Sight
Wary is Her Love
Strong is Her Hope
Wicked is Her Smile
Strange is Her Life
Determined is Her Path
Epic is Her Future
Ten classic westerns from arguably the top western writers of our time.
Glory Dust by Robert Vaughan - Blood Trail by John Legg - Crossed Arrows by Terry Grosz - Deadman's Lament by Linell Jeppsen - Shadow of the Grizzly by L.J. Martin - The Fugitive by Chet Cunningham - The Derby Man by Gary McCarthy - The Outcast Brigade by Douglas Hirt - Bowen & Baile by Frank Roderus - Gun Men by Michael Newton
Offense or Defense…
Love, lust, or just another game…
Where will Sam stand when the whistle blows?
Caught between her high school crush and Mr. Broody McHotterson, Samantha Johnson’s college life is off to an eventful start. Witty and fun, she’s been stuck in the shadows of her friends’ past. Will she ever get to score?
Turner’s already committed, but not to Sam. He has dreams. His family needs him to succeed. He doesn’t have time to let anything, or anyone, interrupt his plans. Will he make a play or choose to pass?
You’ll laugh at the dialogue and love all the angst. Don’t miss this steamy sports romance stand alone.
Retribution (verb): inflict hurt on someone for an injury or wrong
Vengeance. It runs through Mason Hill's veins. Except the person who walks through his office door isn't his enemy. It's the man's daughter.
Charlotte Van Kempt tempts the worst part of him. He wants to use her.
He forms a new plan for revenge...He'll take out every past hurt and dark memory on her sweet body. And to save her family, she'll let him.
From USA Today bestselling author Amelia Wilde comes a sensual new series. THE PROPOSITION is a 17,000-word prologue to the new Wealth trilogy.
Snowball--an aptly named bundle of feline fluff--is thankful to be spending her first Christmas in the comfort of Weber Haus, the Victorian B&B run by Miss Tilly. Emily Diemer, who cooks for the guests, dotes on Snowball, but she's not thrilled about another new arrival at the B&B: Miss Tilly's nephew, Lukas. Which is odd, because Snowball's animal instincts tell her that Lukas and Emily should definitely be friends.
Everything Emily needs is in this quaint community--including, she hopes, the chance to open her own bakery one day. She doesn't think much of Lukas for leaving his aging aunt to struggle while he jets around the world taking photographs. But now that he's here, helping to spruce up the property and getting mixed up in Snowball's antics, she begins to soften a little. Until she learns what he has planned . . .
Lukas is going to sell Weber Haus so that Miss Tilly can retire. But Snowball is certain that this B&B, and these people, are supposed to be her forever home. Somehow she has to get these stubborn humans to see things through the wisdom of a cat's eye and a kitten's loyal, loving heart . . .
"Expertly crafted...the perfect Christmas treat."
--Booklist, Starred Review
Diabetes is a growing health concern worldwide, and in the US alone, about 1.5 million new cases are diagnosed each year. Of those cases, almost 95% are diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes.
While the prevalence of Type 2 diabetes is a concern, there is some good news: both Type 2 diabetes and prediabetes -- an early warning sign that Type 2 diabetes could be round the corner -- are possible to reverse.
The best part? It can often be done naturally, without any need for medication or a lifetime of blood sugar logging.
The most common cause of Type 2 diabetes is insulin resistance, and this is often caused by lifestyle choices -- choices which can be changed.
If you have been diagnosed with prediabetes or Type 2 diabetes, making simple changes to your diet and activity levels can go a long way to improving your blood sugar levels, and even send your condition into remission.
We live in a world where stress is high, desk jobs are the norm, and health often has to take a back seat while we make a living and take care of our families. It’s understandable that sometimes we lose track of where the road to good health lies.
The answer is simply to find that road again -- and you have the power to do just that.
In The 9 Decrees of Diabetes, you’ll learn 9 easy and sustainable lifestyle changes you could make to reverse your condition. You’ll discover:
And much more.
If you thought your diagnosis of prediabetes or Type 2 diabetes was a life sentence, take heart: the lifestyle changes you need to make are simple, straightforward, and easy to incorporate into everyday life -- and they have the added bonus of making you feel better and more energized.
With the right understanding of your condition and the tactics you need to take control of your blood sugar levels, a healthy diabetes-free life is within your reach.
Do you want to stop worrying about letting your child play on their own, knowing you can confidently handle any mishaps ranging from head bumps, cuts, to accidental consumption of a chemical?
Would you like to know how to effectively tend to serious wounds, stop heavy bleeding, and increase an injured person's chance of a quick and uncomplicated recovery?
Would you like to master the technique that will prevent someone from choking to death?
If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, then look no further.
With comprehensive guidance, you will acquire the practical knowledge of exactly what you can do if an emergency arises.
Quite naturally, in times of emergency you would think to call for medical help.
But, what if help wasn’t coming any time soon?
You never know when or if you’ll be in a situation where your city is hit by a hurricane or an earthquake… and all medical emergency teams are overwhelmed.
Or simply, a car accident or on a remote retreat, with no help in reach…
According to WHO, roughly 5.8 million people (or 10% of the world’s deaths) die from injuries per year. That’s 32% more than the people who die from malaria, tuberculosis and HIV/AIDS combined.
But there’s no reason to panic.
With the right understanding of survival medical procedures, you can finally gain the confidence to face any emergency you may encounter, and have the peace of mind that your loved ones will be safe around you.
In Survival Medical Handbook 2022-2023, you will discover:
And much more.
Your bug-out-bag and first aid kit are completely useless if you don’t know what to do with them when an emergency hits.
There’s no need to worry though. Even if you are not a trained paramedic, you will still find that the information and response techniques to the widest range of emergency situations offered to you are easy to understand, and even easier to apply.
I don’t love him. I don’t even like him.
I just want him.
Eli Loveless was my nemesis from the first day of kindergarten until we graduated high school. Everything I did, he had to do better - and vice versa. The day he left town was the best day of my life.
Ten years later, the day he came back was the worst.
Now he’s my co-worker.
Grown-up Eli Loveless is sexy as sin. He’s hotter than asphalt in the summer. The irritating kid I once knew is gone, and he’s been replaced by a man with green eyes, perfect abs, and a cocky smile.
It’s bad that I want him.It’s worse that he wants me back.There are looks. There are smirks. There are smiles that make my panties burst into flame.
And then there’s a shared kiss that leads to the hottest night of my life.
This is no office romance. This is a five-alarm fire.
What’s a girl to do when the man I can’t stand is the one I can’t stop lusting after?
Enter into a friends-with-benefits agreement, of course.
No dates. No relationship. Just blisteringly hot sex, because if there’s one person I could never fall for, it’s Eli....right?
The International Bestseller!
Recommended by Oprah Magazine ∙ Cosmo ∙ PopSugar ∙ SheReads ∙ Parade ∙ and more!
An epic saga from New York Times bestselling author Stephanie Dray based on the true story of an extraordinary castle in the heart of France and the remarkable women bound by its legacy.
Most castles are protected by men. This one by women.
A founding mother...
1774. Gently-bred noblewoman Adrienne Lafayette becomes her husband, the Marquis de Lafayette’s political partner in the fight for American independence. But when their idealism sparks revolution in France and the guillotine threatens everything she holds dear, Adrienne must renounce the complicated man she loves, or risk her life for a legacy that will inspire generations to come.
A daring visionary...
1914. Glittering New York socialite Beatrice Chanler is a force of nature, daunted by nothing—not her humble beginnings, her crumbling marriage, or the outbreak of war. But after witnessing the devastation in France firsthand, Beatrice takes on the challenge of a lifetime: convincing America to fight for what's right.
A reluctant resistor...
1940. French school-teacher and aspiring artist Marthe Simone has an orphan's self-reliance and wants nothing to do with war. But as the realities of Nazi occupation transform her life in the isolated castle where she came of age, she makes a discovery that calls into question who she is, and more importantly, who she is willing to become.
Intricately woven and powerfully told, The Women of Chateau Lafayette is a sweeping novel about duty and hope, love and courage, and the strength we take from those who came before us.
From New York Times Bestselling Author Laurelin Paige...
Book One in the Phenomenally Bestselling Fixed Series
"This book blew me away." - Emma Hart, NY Times Bestselling Author
Stalking and restraining orders are a thing of Alayna Wither's past. With her MBA newly in hand, she has her future figured out--move up at the nightclub she works at and stay away from any guy who might trigger her obsessive love disorder. A perfect plan.
But what Alayna didn't figure on is Hudson Pierce, the new owner of the nightclub. He's smart, rich, and gorgeous--the kind of guy Alayna knows to stay away from if she wants to keep her past tendencies in check.
Except, Hudson's fixed his sights on her.
He wants her in his bed and makes no secret of it. Avoiding him isn't an option after he offers a business proposition she can't turn down and she's drawn further into his universe, unable to resist his gravitational pull. When she learns Hudson has a dark history of his own, she realizes too late that she's fallen for the worst man she could possibly get involved with.
Or maybe their less than ideal pasts give them an opportunity to heal each other and finally find the love their lives have been missing.
"Read it in an air-conditioned room or turn on the fan--it. is. HOT." - Melanie Harlow, USA Today Bestselling Author
If smart phones and GPS rule the world - why am I hunting a magic compass to save the planet?
Austin Detective Maggie Parker has seen some weird things in her day, but finding a surly gnome rooting through her garage beats all.
Her world is about to be turned upside down in a frantic search for 4 Elementals.
Not 3, not 5…but 4. Why is it always 4?
Each one has an artifact that can keep the Earth humming along, but they need her to unite them first.
Unless the forces against her get there first.
A compass, a telescope and untapped magic are her only tools.
Will she join forces with an army of gnomes? Can she get the hang of even a simple spell to defend herself?
Included in this boxed set is:
From the best selling author of The Leira Chronicles
Magic exists. Too bad it might kill us all. Click read for free or buy now and join in the adventure in The Magic Compass!
A humorist and honest look at a life in public service.
For most of us, librarians are the quiet people behind the desk, who, apart from the occasional "shush," vanish into the background.
But in Quiet, Please, McSweeney's contributor Scott Douglas puts the quirky caretakers of our literature front and center. With a keen eye for the absurd and a Kesey-esque cast of characters (witness the librarian who is sure Thomas Pynchon is Julia Roberts's latest flame), Douglas takes us where few readers have gone before.
Punctuated by his own highly subjective research into library history-from Andrew Carnegie's Gilded Age to today's Afghanistan-Douglas gives us a surprising (and sometimes hilarious) look at the lives which make up the social institution that is his library.
This 10th Anniversary Edition includes nearly 100 pages of added content (including a new forward and afterward).
Wall Street Journal and USA TODAY Best-Selling author Amy Vansant packs up the Pineapple Port crew and sends them north in book FIVE of the hilarious mystery series you won't believe!
When the Pineapple Port crew pack up a snake-bus and head to North Carolina for a vacation, the Outer Banks will never be the same...
"Surprise Ending! This is the second book in this series that I have read. The plot takes one to a surprise ending. Amy Vansant has created a unique group of characters that are funny and delightful. I love her clean cozy mysteries; and I recommend this book to you." ~ Nancy Moody ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
The Pineapple Port crew takes a road trip to the Outer Banks, North Carolina, only to discover “body bits” in their vacation home. The nursing home next door is run by some suspicious characters and one of their residents is missing.
Hmm...
As the bits o' somebody pile up (and Mariska keeps neat and safe in a butter dish), amateur sleuth Charlotte Morgan and her friends must solve the murder before a storm blows them all back to Florida.
The Pineapple Port Mystery Series is both sweet and wicked, and always hilarious! Fans of funny mysteries that remain real puzzles to the end will put the Pineapple Port series on their virtual shelves next to Janet Evanovich, Carl Hiaasen and Jana DeLeon.
What Readers Are Saying About Amy Vansant and The Pineapple Port Series:
Witty, Wacky so darn good! - When I first read the book I was blown away by how many funny one-liners this book had. Yes, it is a mystery but the characters are so over the top that you just shake your head and love every minute you spend reading about their adventure. Do yourself a favor get the book it will make your day!" ~ Crystal Crossings VINE VOICE ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
"What's not to like? Amy is one of my favorite authors. Pineapple Port, one of my favorite locations. You would think that reading one in the series you have read them all but not so with this author. Each one of her books is different, each one pulls you in to the lives of the characters but that is where it all ends. Read it, you won't be disappointed." ~ Janet from CNY ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
"Fantastic! - I just love these Pineapple Port books! Great writing. Great characters! Really good mysteries with laugh-out-loud humor thrown in!" ~ Kimberly Anderson ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Named a Most Anticipated book by Newsweek * USA Today * CNN * Parade * Buzzfeed * Medium * GoodReads * PopSugar * Frolic Media * Betches * The Nerd Daily * SheReads and more
"Smart and searingly passionate...an illuminating snapshot of nature, betrayal, and sacrifices set in the evocative New Hampshire wilderness."--Kim Michele Richardson, bestselling author of The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek
A startling and timely debut, Julie Carrick Dalton's Waiting for the Night Song is a moving, brilliant novel about friendships forged in childhood magic and ruptured by the high price of secrets that leave you forever changed.
Cadie Kessler has spent decades trying to cover up one truth. One moment. But deep down, didn’t she always know her secret would surface?
An urgent message from her long-estranged best friend Daniela Garcia brings Cadie, now a forestry researcher, back to her childhood home. There, Cadie and Daniela are forced to face a dark secret that ended both their idyllic childhood bond and the magical summer that takes up more space in Cadie’s memory then all her other years combined.
Now grown up, bound by long-held oaths, and faced with truths she does not wish to see, Cadie must decide what she is willing to sacrifice to protect the people and the forest she loves, as drought, foreclosures, and wildfire spark tensions between displaced migrant farm workers and locals.
Waiting for the Night Song is a love song to the natural beauty around us, a call to fight for what we believe in, and a reminder that the truth will always rise.
At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
My sister’s death was ruled an accident, but it was all a lie...
They’re the kings of Welhurst University, heirs to the most powerful, corrupt, and ruthless families in Ascendence Bay. Each of them is stunningly gorgeous, rich, and talented.
Nobody is that perfect. All of them hide dark, dangerous secrets. And I’m going to expose them. I’m going to make everyone see exactly who they are.
Murderers.
I have skills they would never expect, and I plan on using my talents to make the Boys of Ascendence Bay pay in blood for the loss of my sister. I’ll do whatever it takes to get them to crack and confess to their crimes.
The closer I get to finding out which mafia heir is the killer, the more I realize I didn't know my sister as well as I thought. Big, ugly secrets come to light that will change my family forever.
But what's worse is the enemies I thought I needed to destroy are more complex and tempting than I ever imagined.
Can I survive the truth being uncovered or will I be buried by the lies?
If you love the twists and turns of Caroline Peckham and the steam of Tate James, then you'll love Bloody Princess!
Scroll Up and One-Click Bloody Princess to start the sexy, sinful series today!
You could hear the voices murmuring, small and muted, from the crowds that inhabited his body.
A peerless American storyteller, Ray Bradbury brings wonders alive. The Illustrated Man is classic Bradbury— eighteen startling visions of humankind’s destiny, unfolding across a canvas of decorated skin. In this phantasmagoric sideshow, living cities take their vengeance, technology awakens the most primal natural instincts, Martian invasions are foiled by the good life and the glad hand, and dreams are carried aloft in junkyard rockets. Provocative and powerful, Ray Bradbury’s The Illustrated Man is a kaleidoscopic blending of magic, imagination, and truth—as exhilarating as interplanetary travel, as maddening as a walk in a million-year rain, and as comforting as simple, familiar rituals on the last night of the world.
