I was just your normal twenty-something with seven associate degrees and no idea what I wanted to do with my life. That is, until I died... Well, almost.

As if a near-death experience at the hands of an old coffeemaker wasn't embarrassing enough, I woke up to find I could talk to animals. Or rather one animal in particular.

His full name is Octavius Maxwell Ricardo Edmund Frederick Fulton, but since that's way too long for anyone to remember, I've taken to calling him Octo-Cat. He talks so fast he can be difficult to understand, but seems to be telling me that his late owner didn't die of natural causes like everyone believes.

Well, now it looks like I no longer have a choice, apparently my life calling is to serve as Blueberry Bay's first ever pet whisperer P.I while maintaining my façade as a paralegal at the offices of Fulton, Thompson & Associates.

I just have one question: How did Dr. Doolittle make this gig look so easy?

A Cyberpunk Thriller To Keep You on the Edge of Your Seat!

Liquid Cool is the action-packed (and funny), cyberpunk detective series.

How Much is One Life Worth?

In the sci-fi/cyberpunk detective series, author Austin Dragon shows why you never want to meet a cyborg in a dark alley. Liquid Cool is a cross between Blade Runner and the Maltese Falcon. There is plenty of gritty action, suspense, thrills, and even a few laughs.

It’s cyberpunk reimagined—an ever-rainy world of colossal skyscrapers, hovercars, flashy neon streets, and futuristic mechanization. Metropolis isn’t a bad place, but it isn’t a good one either. Uber-governments and megacorporations fight for control of the fifty-million-plus super-city, but so does crime.

We meet Cruz, our private eye (and unlikely hero), in this super-city with a million victims and perpetrators. Watch out for tech-tricksters, analog hustlers, and digital gangsters—psychos, samurais, and cyborgs aplenty. Visitors have a way of becoming permanent attractions.

Welcome to the high-tech, low-life world of Liquid Cool.

Don't meddle with the metal.

The world has a new hero, but he's short a penny.

Stamped with a one-cent handicap, laughed at inside every purse or pocket he dropped into, Ned Nickel never believed he'd amount to much, not even a cheap cigar. But when fate places Ned rim to rim with a sagacious Indian nickel, the four-center learns that he has a most surprising destiny.

Chief Iron Tail instructs him how to tap into his "inner wampum," and soon Ned discovers that his puny diameter contains a million bucks of fantastic. Teaming up with a luckless penny, the three coins sally forth to save Coinworld from a worthless future and become the champions of small change everywhere.

A bigger story never came in a smaller package. 4¢ Ned is e pluribus awesome!

The Amazing Adventures of 4¢ Ned is Book One in the Coinworld Series.

Time travel. Every sober scientist thinks it’s utterly impossible.

Of course, Phineas Templeton is no sober scientist in any sense of the word. A quirky English chap with a taste for fine scotch, Dr. Templeton builds a time machine at the behest of his mysterious Benefactor. His mission? To meet Jesus Christ Himself, and garner all of the fame, recognition, and accolades that writing an epic time travelogue would bring.

Unfortunately for Finny, Jesus is actually a fellow time traveler, a hippie named Trent from Colorado. While He explains that the past is fixed and immutable (“What happened, like, HAPPENED, man…"), Dr. Templeton realizes that he’s made a horrible oversight in his calculations, and can’t return to his own time period.

The only way home is to follow a list of very specific instructions his Benefactor has hidden on the time machine, which sends him on a madcap, at times hilarious voyage from watching his hero, Sir Isaac Newton, be berated by a high school physics teacher, to hunting dinosaurs, to rescuing two colorful American soldiers and fighting Nazis hellbent on his destruction.

All the while, Phineas is left to question his Benefactor’s true intentions. Just who is the shadowy person pulling the strings of a conspiracy thousands of years in the making? And why is Finny so key to their machinations?

A novel that’s been called “equal parts ‘The Da Vinci Code’ and ‘Back to the Future,’" "Jesus Was a Time Traveler" is a book that will please fans of Dan Brown and Douglas Adams alike with quirky humor, thought-provoking puzzles, cryptic clues, and a finicky universe that would like nothing more than to keep things as they are.

HERE'S WHAT REVIEWERS ARE SAYING (In addition to the great reviews on Amazon below!):

"A thoroughly enjoyable novel: equal parts 'Da Vinci Code' & 'Back to the Future' make it a novel you don't want to put down! I thoroughly enjoyed this philosophical--and funny--adventure through the centuries!" -Another Merchant Site

"I found the book engrossing. The trip through history and our future was fun to take with the Doc!!" -Another Merchant Site

"it made me want to keep turning the page to see what would happen next. It was engaging and I thought the plot was creative and interesting." -Goodreads

London, 2046. The British Republic has a new First Lady. She’s Californian, ‘in-your-face, for sure’ and she’s got big plans for a Buckingham Palace refurb. When her three Chihuahuas go missing, one man is determined to avoid getting dragged into it all. His name is Pond. Howie Pond – presidential spokesperson, retired secret agent and cat lover.

Meanwhile, Howie’s wife Britt is handed her first assignment as a National Security and Intelligence Service rookie – to solve the mystery of the missing canine trio.

Will Howie manage to slope off to the pub before he can be roped into help? Will Britt unmask the dognapper and grab the glory? Find out, in this crazy canine comedy from barking-mad British author Paul Mathews.

Triple Amazon #1 Best Seller in British Humor & Satire, Dark Comedy and Political Humor

We Have Lost The Chihuahuas is non-stop comedy chaos, as Howie and Britt Pond battle it out in a dog-eat-dog struggle for Chihuahua-finding supremacy. With a supporting cast of quirky two- & four-legged characters, this comedy tale wags from start to finish with great humour, fun characters and doggy drama.

If you're pining for great British humour, you're barking up the right tree. So, sit, stay ... and read!

What The Reviews Say:

"What's not to love about this book?! It ticks all the boxes for me - it's laugh out loud funny."

"I loved this story. It kept me entertained & amused all the way through."

"While reading the book I feel as if I am a smiling Cheshire Cat with a silly grin from ear to ear, such is my enjoyment."

"Hilarious! This author is the closest I've come to finding an author to actually make me laugh out loud!"

"Looking for some fun social commentary? This will give you several good chuckles while you contemplate the danger of small dogs."

Glenda, the Witch of the North has a problem- the other members of her Cardinal Coven are alive and she really most sincerely doesn't want them that way.

The Cardinal Coven was always contentious but since the arrival of the mysterious (and yet potentially non-magical) Wizard, alliances have formed. The witches of the East and West seem to pal around more than they used to. Reports are they even fly around together! On separate brooms- they are close but not that close.

More troubling are the rumors that they are both working on magical talisman to get rid of the Witch of the North. The Witch of the West is creating an all-powerful broom. The one in the East is on the verge of perfecting some magic shoes.

Really.

A more immediate concern is the Witch of the South who has created a powerful crystal star talisman. Safe in her snowy realm, she bides her time waiting for the chance to deal a deathly blow to the Witch of the North.

At least that's what the Witch of the North thinks. And that's good enough for her. The time for action is now- and the more lethal the better! When a tornado brings a Kansas (non-singing) Newsie to Oz, the Witch of the North sees a way to rid herself of her troublesome Coven sisters. Or at least one of them.

Seeing an opportunity to decrease the surplus Witch population and not have the incident implicate her, she sends the young man to retrieve the star talisman. Along for the ride is a pushy rooster who thinks he's the leader of the group; Marren, a Lollipop Guild Enforcer who wants the talisman for himself; and the famous chef, Gertie the Goat who's just looking for work.

Prepare yourself for a whimsical, barreling trip through Oz as they follow the Red Brick Road to the Witch of the South, setting the wheels of political change in Oz in motion. This story sets up how just a week later, those wheels of change roll over two more witches and a Wizard thanks to a young Kansas gal who finishes the job.

Humancorp Incorporated is another wacky comedy adventure from author Andrew Stanek. Meet Sean. Sean is the worst employee in the whole world. After being fired, Sean can't find a job and enters a downward spiral. He becomes depressed, turns to drinking, and experiences thoughts of suicide and sociology professorship. Then, an idea dawns on him. He writes a letter addressed to "whoever runs the world" and asks for a job. The letter he gets back contains a job offer from a company he's never heard of before: Humancorp Incorporated. Homeopathic suicide pills, giraffe catapults, and the Mandatory Organization of Anarchists - all in Humancorp Incorporated.

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • “Extremely funny . . . inspired lunacy . . . [and] over much too soon.”—The Washington Post Book World

Nominated as one of America’s best-loved novels by PBS’s The Great American Read

Seconds before Earth is demolished to make way for a galactic freeway, Arthur Dent is plucked off the planet by his friend Ford Prefect, a researcher for the revised edition of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy who, for the last fifteen years, has been posing as an out-of-work actor.

Together, this dynamic pair began a journey through space aided by a galaxyful of fellow travelers: Zaphod Beeblebrox—the two-headed, three-armed ex-hippie and totally out-to-lunch president of the galaxy; Trillian (formerly Tricia McMillan), Zaphod’s girlfriend, whom Arthur tried to pick up at a cocktail party once upon a time zone; Marvin, a paranoid, brilliant, and chronically depressed robot; and Veet Voojagig, a former graduate student obsessed with the disappearance of all the ballpoint pens he’s bought over the years.

Where are these pens? Why are we born? Why do we die? For all the answers, stick your thumb to the stars!

Praise for The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“A whimsical oddyssey . . . Characters frolic through the galaxy with infectious joy.”—Publishers Weekly

“Irresistable!”—The Boston Globe

Sometimes, the only way to save a galaxy is to conquer it. Soda, the sassy Neon Octopus wants her Overlord job back. But she'll have to battle the weird collection of snarky supervillains standing in her way. Prepare for galactic mystery, idiotic bureaucracy, and shenanigans.

Soda, The Neon Octopus ex-Overlord, wants her job back and she'll stop at nothing to get it. But when the board of directors in charge of the process meet an untimely demise, all at the same time, the rules change. A change that allows every supervillain in the galaxy to join the fight for power in a winner-take-all brawl that will change everything. 

The candidates:

Soda is a sassy, immortal space octopus with a temper. Her special skills include teleportation and inappropriate use of tentacles. She's going to take back what was hers.

Floyd is a brainwashing therapist by day and a terrifying Preying Mantis called Mantix in his free time. Also, he's an Executive Producer of the tv show All My Wormholes. He believes he should rule the galaxy.

Froggy is a master of technology, which he harnesses for evil purposes. He's also an interstellar traveler who has finally found his Zen. He wants to prove he has what it takes to be Overlord.

Ray is an Intergalactically famous Oracle with millions of adoring fans and a flair for the dramatic. He has wanted to be Overlord ever since he arrived in this galaxy and he knows that it's now or never. He and his pet troll Chipmunk are ready.

The only question is, will the galaxy survive the brawl?

PLEASE NOTE: Although this book is part of the IRISH LOTTERY SERIES, there is no cliffhanger. It is true that the characters get older as the series progresses, but each book is a complete story, and can be enjoyed without having read the previous book.

Revenge may be a dish best served cold, but hardened mother of seven Fionnuala Flood plans on serving hers up frozen. Or so she thinks.

The bells are ringing out in Derry, Northern Ireland, as the dirt-poor Floods and the rich and entitled Riddells prepare for the pairing in matrimony of their families and a bridging of the gap between the two sniping communities. But some are not best pleased, and it might be more a case of For Whom The Bell Tolls.

What is the price to be paid for a mother's love? For daughter Dymphna and son Lorcan, dangerously high. Fionnuala is already furious Dymphna has put her arch nemesis, Ursula Barnett, on the wedding list. Then beloved son Lorcan, fresh out of prison, announces he's emigrating to the USA. He'll get there. Unless Fionnuala gets her way.

In Wisconsin, Ursula and husband Jed will find a trip to Derry difficult, as Jed's gambling has them teetering on the brink of bankruptcy. The last chance to save their floundering beef jerky business will be to appear on Attack of the Killer Investors! But Fionnuala has ripped up their invitation, in any event. When they hear shocking news of Dymphna's death, getting the investment from the TV show is essential.

Throw in a rabble of geriatric religious fanatics, poisonous ham hocks, an X-rated wedding cake, a gown from Hell, mix with rivers of drink, intolerance, jealousy and shame, and you have Best Served Frozen, a rip-roaring tale jam-packed with dark humor.

Cover by Marco Maldera

Watching her two nephews and a puppy named Thor for the weekend was supposed to be fun for Greenly Kendrick. Sweating to death at a never-ending baseball game while getting gum in her hair, soda down her shirt, and an ice cream pedicure wasn’t part of the deal. Neither is finding out the best blind date she’s ever stood up is there to witness it all.

Longest. Weekend. Ever.

Except it doesn’t stop at one crazy weekend. Embarrassment turns into mortification, a head wound, and being patch up by her amused knight in shining armor.

Roman Carpenter can’t help laughing at Greenly’s mishaps, but for some reason, he sticks with her through it all. At least, until his ex-wife shows up and starts causing trouble. What started off as a strange, yet promising relationship, might be able to survive spiteful exes, but adding in a stalker that puts everyone on edge and pulls the police into the mix, might push everyone past their breaking point.

David Sedaris returns with his most deeply personal and darkly hilarious book.

If you've ever laughed your way through David Sedaris's cheerfully misanthropic stories, you might think you know what you're getting with Calypso. You'd be wrong.

When he buys a beach house on the Carolina coast, Sedaris envisions long, relaxing vacations spent playing board games and lounging in the sun with those he loves most. And life at the Sea Section, as he names the vacation home, is exactly as idyllic as he imagined, except for one tiny, vexing realization: it's impossible to take a vacation from yourself.

With Calypso, Sedaris sets his formidable powers of observation toward middle age and mortality. Make no mistake: these stories are very, very funny--it's a book that can make you laugh 'til you snort, the way only family can. Sedaris's powers of observation have never been sharper, and his ability to shock readers into laughter unparalleled. But much of the comedy here is born out of that vertiginous moment when your own body betrays you and you realize that the story of your life is made up of more past than future.

This is beach reading for people who detest beaches, required reading for those who loathe small talk and love a good tumor joke. Calypso is simultaneously Sedaris's darkest and warmest book yet--and it just might be his very best.

"Witch, witch, you make me itch. I'd like to beat you with a switch." 

A struggling novelist travels the world to avoid an awkward wedding in this hilarious Pulitzer Prize-winning novel full of "arresting lyricism and beauty" (The New York Times Book Review).

WINNER OF THE PULITZER PRIZE
National Bestseller
A New York Times Notable Book of 2017
A Washington Post Top Ten Book of 2017
A San Francisco Chronicle Top Ten Book of 2017
Longlisted for the Andrew Carnegie Medal for Excellence, the Lambda Award, and the California Book Award

Who says you can't run away from your problems? You are a failed novelist about to turn fifty. A wedding invitation arrives in the mail: your boyfriend of the past nine years is engaged to someone else. You can't say yes--it would be too awkward--and you can't say no--it would look like defeat. On your desk are a series of invitations to half-baked literary events around the world.

QUESTION: How do you arrange to skip town?

ANSWER: You accept them all.

What would possibly go wrong? Arthur Less will almost fall in love in Paris, almost fall to his death in Berlin, barely escape to a Moroccan ski chalet from a Saharan sandstorm, accidentally book himself as the (only) writer-in-residence at a Christian Retreat Center in Southern India, and encounter, on a desert island in the Arabian Sea, the last person on Earth he wants to face. Somewhere in there: he will turn fifty. Through it all, there is his first love. And there is his last.

Because, despite all these mishaps, missteps, misunderstandings and mistakes, Less is, above all, a love story.

A scintillating satire of the American abroad, a rumination on time and the human heart, a bittersweet romance of chances lost, by an author The New York Times has hailed as "inspired, lyrical," "elegiac," "ingenious," as well as "too sappy by half," Less shows a writer at the peak of his talents raising the curtain on our shared human comedy.

"I could not love LESS more."--Ron Charles, The Washington Post

"Andrew Sean Greer's Less is excellent company. It's no less than bedazzling, bewitching and be-wonderful."--Christopher Buckley, The New York Times Book Review
 

Who knew that losing your shadow could cause so much trouble?

Meet Phillis Tomson, your run-of-the-mill, font-loving, people-fearing, terminally-shy hermit who would rather spend his days staring at fonts than talking to anyone.

His shadow Phil, on the other hand, wants to run with the bulls, bungee jump and ride Space Mountain. And when Phil senses an opportunity to break free from his adventure-averse host, he seizes it with both shadowy hands.

The Guardians of Universal Order do not take kindly to Phil's dash for freedom -- a flagrant violation of the shadow-host bond -- and immediately unleash an apocalyptic wrath so intense that it threatens to rupture the very fabric of reality.

All Phillis Tomson ever wanted to do was stare at his fonts, but those days are gone.

The fate of the universe now rests on one man and his want-away/went-away shadow.

If you like Tom Holt, Terry Pratchett, Justin Anderson and Douglas Adams, then you’ll love the strange, hilarious, often confounding shadowy world of the Man Who Lost His Shadow.

London, 2045. Three months into the Coffee Wars and Britain’s caffeine supplies are at critical levels. Brits are drinking even more tea than usual, keeping a stiff upper lip and praying for an end to it all.

A secret Government coffee stockpile could save the day … but then mysteriously disappears overnight.

One man is asked to unravel the missing-coffee mystery. His name is Pond. Howie Pond. And he’s in desperate need of a triple espresso. Meanwhile, his journalist wife, Britt, is hunting royal fugitive Emma Windsor on the streets of the capital.

Can Howie save the British Republic from caffeine-starved chaos? Will the runaway royal be found? And just what will desperate coffee drinkers do for their next caffeine fix? Find out, in this fabulously frothy comedy romp set in a Britain of the future.

Amazon #1 Best Seller in Comedy, Dark Comedy, British Humor & Satire and Political Humor

This steaming-hot comedy-thriller from coffee addict Paul Mathews contains mug-fulls of British humour, big lumps of laughter and a generous splash of satire. With enough coffee jokes to keep you awake all night, it's guaranteed to set your pulse racing faster than a quadruple espresso.

So what are you waiting for? Grab it while it's piping hot and treat yourself to a coffee comedy to go!

What The Reviews Say:

"Great fun! Fast-paced comedy and suspense with a generous serving of satire. You'll want to read the series."

"I don't even like coffee ... but this book was still terrific. I love how so many of the side characters continue to appear in these novels. Makes it feel more real ... I read it on a plane and startled my seatmate a few times when I couldn't suppress the giggles. Fast-paced and fun, with a light mystery woven into the fabric. Howie and Britt rock. I can't wait for the next one!"

"Great book! Really funny quirky English humor! I am starting on the first book now, We Have Lost The President. But books are easily read independently."

"A real kick ... And a fun read."

"I have read all three of the 'We Have Lost the ...' books, and they started out good and are getting better ... The characters are 3-dimensional, well developed, likable and consistent throughout. The story lines are fun, and the humor will make you laugh out loud at times. Thank you, Mr. Mathews."

Fifteen years after losing most of his family to a devastating, pudding-related tragedy, Simon Debovar has settled into a life of self-imposed exile from the stinking, selfish morass of humanity. Content that his daily highlights will include hazelnut coffee, a long bath and the occasional jar of olives, his life is completely upturned by the discovery that his ornate living room carpet is the deciding factor in a bet between God and Satan.

When mysteriously well-timed carpet thieves deprive him of the crucial heirloom, Simon is forced to leave his hermit's existence behind for a world of angels, demons, witches and immortals.

And then it gets complicated.

"Anderson’s writing is a joy to behold – his characters are all well-rounded, and he sets each scene perfectly, filling each with snappy, hilarious dialogue. This is a book I will read again and again, and I will be keeping my eyes peeled for Anderson’s next novel, as well as the inevitable news that this has been optioned by either the BBC or Hollywood. If you enjoyed Neil Gaiman’s “Good Omens”, then you’ll LOVE this book!"
British Fantasy Society

"There are so many delightful surprises showcased within these addictive and extremely witty pages. Anderson has a flare for rather classic characterisation from Simon’s introvert insecurity to the potty-mouthed loudness of his alcohol-swilling Great Aunt Harriet (one of only three survivors of the Debovar dessert massacre), a double act that should go down in literary history."
SciFiNow

*2018 AUDIE AWARD-WINNER*
"The unusual premise develops into an engaging journey through evocative world building, endearing and intriguing characters, and a heavy dose of humor. Davies's ability to juggle multiple narratives and a sizable cast of characters is both refreshing and delightful; he skillfully switches accents, personalities, and sides of battle, adding depth and relatability to each character. Anderson's storytelling is multilayered and inventive, and Davies's warm tenor is comforting yet invigorating. Together, they carry listeners deftly through Simon's adventure. An ideal listen for fans of Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett."
Audiofile

Debut author Sally Thorne bursts on the scene with a hilarious and sexy workplace comedy all about that thin, fine line between hate and love.

Nemesis (n.) 1) An opponent or rival whom a person cannot best or overcome.

                       2) A person’s undoing

                       3) Joshua Templeman

Lucy Hutton and Joshua Templeman hate each other. Not dislike. Not begrudgingly tolerate. Hate. And they have no problem displaying their feelings through a series of ritualistic passive aggressive maneuvers as they sit across from each other, executive assistants to co-CEOs of a publishing company. Lucy can’t understand Joshua’s joyless, uptight, meticulous approach to his job. Joshua is clearly baffled by Lucy’s overly bright clothes, quirkiness, and Pollyanna attitude.

Now up for the same promotion, their battle of wills has come to a head and Lucy refuses to back down when their latest game could cost her her dream job…But the tension between Lucy and Joshua has also reached its boiling point, and Lucy is discovering that maybe she doesn’t hate Joshua. And maybe, he doesn’t hate her either. Or maybe this is just another game.

London, 2044. Britain is a Republic. President Jan Polak has vanished overnight from Buckingham Palace, just weeks before an election. Has he been kidnapped? Killed? Or just overdone it with the vodka? One man is determined to find out - as soon as he's eaten his breakfast. His name is Pond. Howie Pond – the President’s official spokesperson and wannabe secret agent.

With only a love of James Bond films and London pubs to guide him, Howie sets out on a mission to solve the missing-President mystery, while consuming at least three meals a day. But with his journalist girlfriend, Britt, soon onto the story, the race is on to see who gets to the truth first..!

Amazon #1 Best Seller in British Humor & Satire, Comedy, Dark Comedy and Political Humor

This debut comedy-thriller novel from English author Paul Mathews is packed with sharp British humor, crazy characters, dynamic dialogue and a mystery that will keep you guessing from beginning to end. You'll be transported to a low-tech, high-comedy, post-revolution Britain where the royals aren't welcome and Buckingham Palace is now the centre of government. As well as painting an intriguing vision of the future, the story also casts an eye to the present – mixing satire with traditional British comedy around the trials, tribulations and absurdities of everyday life.

What The Reviews Say:

"If you like British humor and still love a good suspense story, that's the book you are looking for. I'd say it has a very 'Douglas Adams meets John Grisham in a pub' kind of plot."

"So much fun! I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It is well written, laugh out loud funny, and keeps you wanting more."

Dr. P. J. Miller's story is unique. Growing up in New York City, who would have thought that he’d complete his veterinary degree at the Royal School of Veterinary Studies in Edinburgh, Scotland? In Cute Poodles, Sweet Old Ladies & Hugs, Dr. Miller has assembled a "greatest hits" of veterinary tales—stories that include colorful clients, wisecracking hospital staff, and pets that aren't always friendly.

Cute Poodles, Sweet Old Ladies & Hugs provides a humorous look at what Dr. Miller went through to become a veterinarian and his daily life as a doctor, told only as a typical New Yorker could. Underneath the humor, Dr. Miller gives a glimpse of how strong and emotional the human-animal bond can be, becoming an instant must-read for any aspiring veterinary professional or animal lover that wants to know what it is really like to be a veterinarian.

See his website for further information about the book and for more veterinary tales http://www.yodrmiller.com/